Douglas ([info]beagley) wrote,
@ 2008-09-05 09:04:00
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Entry tags:philosophy

Being Male, Episode 284
Being Male, Episode 284

When you are four, your daddy tells you he loves you, and you love hearing it.

When you are in Kindergarten or first grade, you sing songs about love with all your friends, to all your friends.

Sometime in 3rd or 4th grade, however, you tell your friend that you love him, and he punches you in the leg and says, “That’s gay!”

This transition will take place overnight, with no warning. “Love” turns from being a wonderful thing to express to a friend, to, “That’s gay!” followed by a sharp pain in your vastus lateralis. You learn to say other things besides “I love you,” such as, “Fuck that!” and, “I really like tits!”

This is one of the great tragedies of modern living. No matter how warm and open your heart was in 2nd grade, by 5th grade the instruction to your quadriceps femoris will have learned you good. Unless you have enlightened parents, you probably don't even know what gay means, but you know it isn't something good. It’s hard enough for any kid, and I imagine even harder if you happen to be gay. What a lovely introduction.

Even now, when I look at my friends and think about how much I love them, a stuttering pain reverberates through my leg. Sometimes I twitch.

I think this is why karate is so popular among gay people.

Also, fuck that! I really like tits.


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[info]coldnight
2008-09-05 01:43 pm UTC (link)
This has to do with the vastly incorrect assumption of a single definition of "LOVE" fitting every situation. There are some parties who can explain better, but there are at least 6 types.

Brotherly love is not the same as romantic love is not the same as love of the other types...

I think my favorite body part is backs and necks... but the human form in general is very nice and there are greatly attractive parts on wildly differing body types...

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[info]lady_linton
2008-09-05 02:04 pm UTC (link)
This makes me think of that Dar William's song (I don't know her work too well, but I used to be good friends with someone who was pretty obsessed with her):

"When I was a boy, See that picture? That was me
Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees
And I know things have gotta change,
They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in,
they've got implants to remove

"But I am not forgetting...that I was a boy too

"And so I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived
And I say, 'Now you're top gun, I have lost and you have won'
And he says, 'Oh no, no, can't you see

"When I was a girl, my mom and I, we always talked
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too.
And you were just like me, and I was just like you'."

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 03:23 pm UTC (link)
Yes! Hurrah!
I have never been obsessed with Dar Williams, but I have three songs by her on my 5-star song list. "When I was a Boy" is one of them. The Babysitter song is another one. And now I can't forget the third...

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[info]lady_linton
2008-09-05 03:27 pm UTC (link)
I'm partial to "The Christians and the Pagans" myself.

Also, I called you the other day asking if you'd take pictures of me as part of a class assignment that was due yesterday :p (no worries, Chris helped me with it).

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 03:29 pm UTC (link)
Now I'm sad that I missed an opportunity to do a photoshoot with Katie. *sighs*

Are you art-hopping at all, btw?

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[info]lady_linton
2008-09-05 05:40 pm UTC (link)
Now I'm sad that I missed an opportunity to do a photoshoot with Katie. *sighs*

Well heck, you can still help me with it if you want (I really liked some of the pictures Chris took except that they came out blurry).

Are you art-hopping at all, btw?

Yes! Wanna meet up? I have no idea of when it starts, but I actually have to go for class :p

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 11:02 pm UTC (link)
Jana and I were tossing it back and forth.

We still can't decide.

-d

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[info]kseniia_antir
2008-09-05 03:23 pm UTC (link)
I was just about to post this! :)

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 03:27 pm UTC (link)
Okay, to totally, "out" myself, this line:

"And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do,
And I have lost some kindness--"

When I get to that part of the song, I cry.

((Or, rather, I vaguely mist-up in a guy-cry kind of way. Because crying is for girls. And I like tits. Fuck that!))

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[info]kseniia_antir
2008-09-05 03:39 pm UTC (link)
*grin* Me too. I always feel sadder for the guy in the song. It often seems to me that it's easier for a girl to keep in touch with her boy side than the other way around.

It's a fabulous song, though. I'm a huge Dar fan - she's got some real truths in a lot of her work. I love the Babysitter Song too - that one makes me cry every time. (I'm not obsessed, though I'll admit we go to see her every time she's in Portland.)

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[info]kseniia_antir
2008-09-05 03:40 pm UTC (link)
And by "easier," I mean "more socially acceptable." Even if girls can't run around with their shirts off. Except in Daytona during Bike Week. Just thought I'd clarify.

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 03:47 pm UTC (link)

One could write books about the different struggles and which gender deals with harsher protocols... actually, I'm sure someone has written books about it. :-)

It does seem like women have more options for holding on to the "traditionally-male aspects of their persona"; being a little "butch" is trendy. But there are major traps and pitfalls along that road, too. (For instance, insensitive people use somewhat ugly words, like, "butch.")

I do enjoy running around without a shirt. But I really look forward to seeing our society's definition of acceptable maleness EVOLVE.

And, of course, I would like to see women run around without their shirts, too, because I really like-- (Okay, that joke is done.)

-d

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book recommendation
[info]khrenpa
2008-09-05 04:38 pm UTC (link)
Beagley, read Norah Vincent's 'Self-Made Man' ... it touches on this subject quite well... and helped me to understand 'guys' just a little bit better than I ever had before.. how they are vulnerable and completely unable to express that vulnerability.

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Re: book recommendation
[info]fairylogic
2008-09-05 09:40 pm UTC (link)
I donated my copy of that to the last book swap. It may still be somewhere in the Beagley Basement if no one else has claimed it yet.

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[info]scardian
2008-09-06 12:21 am UTC (link)
Man, I could tell you volumes about what I've observed over the past few years. Some of it is amazing; some of it is awful. As progressive as we think we are in this day and age, we still have a very, very long way to go in regards to gender and social perception.

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[info]wildelven
2008-09-05 04:30 pm UTC (link)
Dar Williams in playing at the Somerville Theater next week.

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[info]scardian
2008-09-05 02:53 pm UTC (link)
Hey Douglas.

I love you. <3

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[info]scardian
2008-09-05 02:57 pm UTC (link)
Wait. Shit. I'm gay. I think that makes my comment not as poignant.

Damnit.

Ah whatever. I still love you.

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 03:24 pm UTC (link)
Yay!

I love you, too.

In a totally non-gay, completely straight way.

Tits!

-d

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[info]wildelven
2008-09-05 04:31 pm UTC (link)
I love you, too, but it's totally like my man-crush on Aragorn.

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 05:15 pm UTC (link)
Stay away from Viggo.

He's mine.

-d

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[info]wildelven
2008-09-05 05:31 pm UTC (link)
You can have the pansy elf. The Dúnedain is all for me.

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 05:38 pm UTC (link)
You do know what makes him unique, right? Why he's so kick ass?
He's got elven blood.

Pansy THAT, muddertruckers!
-d

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[info]wildelven
2008-09-05 06:52 pm UTC (link)
I didn't say that elves were pansies. Just that one in particular. :)

Note the username, after all.

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[info]ariel_in_blue
2008-09-05 03:20 pm UTC (link)
There's a Jon Gailmor song you have to listen to now. The first bit:

When I was just a wee one
My daddy held me tight
I felt so safe in those big arms
Especially in the night.

But when I turned 11,
It all began to change.
Hugs were hard for my old man,
The guy was cold and strange.

I couldn't understand it!
His love was out of reach!
And then one day we started walking
Miles along the beach.

I never saw my daddy cry
Til he opened up that day.
At first I didn't know how to feel,
But now I'm proud to say...

My old man is a gay old man,
Welcome back Daddy, welcome back.
Loves me more than any papa can,
Welcome back Daddy, welcome back!
Out of the closet, Dad's so free,
Now he can be himself with me,
I'm so glad my Daddy's back
In my life.

The second section isn't as strong, in my mind, but I LOVE this song.

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[info]scardian
2008-09-05 03:40 pm UTC (link)
Jon Gailmor, really? I remember him performing a concert at my elementary school when I was really young.

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[info]beagley
2008-09-05 03:51 pm UTC (link)
This is quite beautiful.

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[info]ariel_in_blue
2008-09-05 04:16 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, that's why he's made of awesome. :)

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[info]chutzpahgrrl
2008-09-05 05:10 pm UTC (link)
You're so awesome. I can barely stand it!

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[info]my_daroga
2008-09-05 05:24 pm UTC (link)
You are one of the most awesome people I have had the privilege of knowing. Just a little.

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[info]lucifers_girl
2008-09-05 05:37 pm UTC (link)
Karate? Seriously?

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[info]cest_la_vie
2008-09-05 05:53 pm UTC (link)
How sad. Jeff has always been so sweet and kind and I want Xander to express his love for others easily without being teased or abused. It can be a reality... I hope.

We teach two meanings to Gay. Gay meaning happy and gay meaning homosexual. It was so twisted over the years and I hate that.

I love you, Friend.

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[info]socialhermit
2008-09-05 10:19 pm UTC (link)
You rock, Douglas.

:-)

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[info]la_rainette
2008-09-06 02:16 am UTC (link)
You rock, and that post just made my day. :D Thank you.

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[info]dlack
2008-09-07 12:24 am UTC (link)
I agree. Boobies are good.

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[info]anadamous
2008-09-09 01:46 am UTC (link)
Awww, you do much better with this that you're acknowledging. :)

Besides, everyone agrees that breasts are awesome.

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