I just finished reading Feed, by M. T. Anderson, and this is my review, told in the shape of a narrative about something that happened to me this morning.
Everything in this story is true.
This morning I was on my way to work in my Toyota Scion Xa and thinking about how awesome it is and wondering when I would get a new one, because the Xa is no longer being made but they have the Xc and the Xz now, or something, so that's cool, and the Xa is like, meg reliable, so I can't wait for it to break down so I can get another one.
And I was like, Unit! You are so hungry! And I was, and I was kind of down because of an argument with my wife the night before so I was like, Pull into Shaw's now!
So I pulled into Shaw's and you would not believe it because all three of my favorite name-brand cereals were on sale. And not just on sale, like a little bit, but like almost a dollar off of all the name-brand cereals that I love. I was going to get a box of all of my favorite cereals and cheer myself up and show my hunger who the boss was! And then I saw this sign on the price thingy that was like, Unit, why not get two boxes of each? And I was like, Yeah, why not? And I got two boxes of all my favorite cereals. And then I was like, I could get some for both home and work! Because I eat breakfast in both places, and seriously, this cereal was like almost a dollar off for each box.
So I got nine boxes of cereal. Which, you know, is pretty ridiculous, but that means I saved like, almost NINE DOLLARS. Which is as good as someone giving me nine dollars, or else as good as shopping at Hannafords instead of Shaws, where everything is cheaper because the Shaws is right next to Costco and all the rich people shop there so the prices are a bit higher but it is right on my way to work, so like, of course I shop there and not at Hannafords where the poorer people probably shop.
The lady at the cash register was kind of tired and morning-like, and I was all Here are my nine boxes of cereal! And it was a total riot. They were stacked in my arms up high because I hadn't grabbed a cart. Carts are so lame because they are so big that they make you buy more than you need.
And I swiped my card and bought the cereal and the lady said, You must have a baby, as she handed me the receipt. And I looked at my cereal and was like, This isn't baby cereal, this is manly grownup cereal, why would she think that?
And then I looked down at the receipt she had handed me and it had a coupon for baby cereal, because, like, the feed recognized my card and Shaw's knows that I buy baby stuff and clearly knows that I like cereal so it was giving me a coupon for baby cereal based on my buying habits.
I was, like, meg freaked out for a few seconds, because I had just read a book called Feed, a really clever science fiction novel that was all about that kind of thing and how insidious it was. And also, like, isn't baby cereal just regular cereal in a more expensive package? I'm pretty sure my baby eats any kind of cereal and doesn't need the more expensive kind in the soft, cute baby packaging. But then I was like, Unit! Why would they have baby cereal if it wasn't specially made and different for babies! If you are a good dad, you will buy your son special 'Graduates' baby cereal! So I was psyched to get the coupon and I wished it could have just been tucked into my brain somewhere so I didn't have to carry around the coupon.
I'm sure they're probably working on that...