Okay, old folks, time to get up-to-date on the latest trends and fashions in the teenage world. Dust off that walker and give the wheel-chair an oil change. It is time for a scintillating look at teenagers who wear black but aren't!

Douglas's Cultural Studies Unlimited presents,

Goth vs. Emo

There are many fascinating species of white, middle-class teenager. In your voyages into the wilds of your local high school, you have undoubtedly encountered the hip-hops, the geeks, jocks, dorks, fleeks, wonkas, and cheerleaders. Other common teen types include the prisses, thugs, wilcos, squirrels, pot-heads, pretty boys, nerds, flannels, shades, and the (increasingly popular) zombies.

Yes, there is no end to the colorful array of teen stereotypes. Two commonly confused groups that are full of delightful teenage wonderment are the GOTHS and the EMO (emos? Emoians?)

Goth

Goths have been around since *I* was in high school, back in the early nineties. Back then we didn't call them Goths. We called them, "You know, that chick who dyes her hair black, wears black nail-polish and lipstick, looks kinda pale, smokes, and writes depressing poetry?"

Here is a late-eighties Goth-chick I had a crush on:



Yeah, yeah, I know, that's Lydia from Beetlejuice. Winona Ryder. Wow I had dreams about her, let me tell you. Yes, yes, she was probably about 17 when that picture was taken. So arrest me. I was fourteen when I saw the movie (yes, I know, it was released in 1988. I saw it on tape.) She was the inspiration for a lot of Algebra class daydream fantasies. I mean, she was the inspiration to an entire generation of Goth. Seriously.

Here is another early nineties Goth-chick who I had a crush on:



We were friends in high school. Seriously. She was teh h0t 1. She was also anorexic/bulimic and very open about it, which was so friggin' deep and mystical and counter culture that it just made her hotter. Early on, her primary motivations in life included pissing off her devout Catholic adoptive parents and finding the perfect black lipstick. She smoked cloves. In the above picture, she is wearing a "The Cure" shirt, quite probably the only non-black item of clothing she owned. I am not making this up. Ask my mom. My Goth crush chick grew up and got smarter and more sophisticated, but she still looked great in black lipstick.

That chick used to be counter culture! This was 1992! She was an individual! A marcher-to-the-beater-of-her-own-drummer! Now she is pleasantly classified and quantified and surrounded by her Tim Burton worshipping peers. They are the Goths.

Yes, I know what you're saying. You're saying, "But the Goths were an East Germanic/Scandinavian tribe who were known for sacrificing their captives to Tyz, their god of war. Dude, they INVADED ROME! (And were horribly defeated)." Yes, that's what I first said too. It is a little known fact, however, that over the past eighteen centuries the Goth tribes migrated to midwestern America and opened a retail chain called "Hot Topic."

Some day they may rise again and INVADE ROME! For now, however, they are a teenage clique. While musical tastes may vary, Goths invariably:

• wear black


• wear black nail-polish (nail polish is for boys, too!)


• are pale (and may wear makeup to make themselves more pale)


• want to have sex with vampires and/or other characters from Anne Rice books


• dye their hair black or some other conveniently spooky color (like fuschia)


• watch "The Crow" at least once a week


• worship Tim Burton (I said that already)


• worship candles and sometimes fairies as long as they are fairies that wear black from Hot Topic


• smoke cloves until their parents find out


• get piercings if their parents let them


• get celtic tattoos if their parents let them (because black celtic crap is FRICKIN' AWESOME)


• whine about their cruel, awful parents who won't let them get tongue/eyebrow piercings or celtic tattoos and then make plans to get the piercings and celtic tattoos anyway and brag to all their friends about how they're going to do it and then hope that all their friends will forget about it because they don't really want to piss of their dad THAT much even though a black celtic arm-band or some kind of cross thing would look FRICKIN' AWESOME

For the record, I want to state I came up with the above list all by myself WITHOUT using Google. Now that I've used Google, however, I find that my list holds up pretty well... right down to Winona's Lydia and Tim Burton.

Goths and music... well, I'd like to say that music is where Goth begins and ends. But that isn't true. Goth begins and ends with teen angst. However, music is pretty important. Gothic rock and "death rock" was sort of a post-punk thing. Siouxsie & the Banshees are a MUST for any Goth music researcher... even a dorky musical-know-nothing like me knows that. I'll throw in Sisters of Mercy as another early Goth band, but when we get to the nineties things get really confusing. The media and the common culture label Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails as Goth, whereas I believe a true Goth would say they are too rocky or too hard or too mainstream to be real Goth music.

I checked, and there is actually an argument about this very topic available in Wikipedia. Wow! Fun reading! If you want a headache! Or a goth-ache!

I'm sure there are other distinguishing characteristics of Goths, but that will have to do for now.

Emo

There is a big difference between Goth and Emo. As patiently explained to me by the Gothic wastedxmetaphor, "Goths are cool. Emos are just pathetic." (I'm paraphrasing here).

I'll spend less time with Emo, I promise. I have to get to the Emo/Goth depressing poetry contest below!

I'll just point out that it really was just a music scene, for a long time. Hardcore for nerds! Heavy music without the machismo! It's only recently that people have been using "Emo" to describe a teen stereotype.

Emo comes from "emotional hardcore" music, but is currently used as a sort of short-hand for "emotional." Emo also described a nerd clothing style. Go watch an old Weezer MTV video... note the thick black glasses, the kahkis, the tracksuits, the sweaters, etc. Thrift store stuff. And the music... Dashboard Confessional! My Chemical Romance! 99.9 the Buzz!

Now, however, Emo is kind of an insult. (Goth is not). Emo teens are seen as taking life too seriously and invoking drama in life where it doesn't exist. (Because other teenagers NEVER do that. Other teenagers are paragons of emotional stability! It's just the Emos who act like Tom Cruise! Yeah!)

In the past few years, Emo has moved away from nerd clothes and into black, black, and more black. Dyed black hair. Piercings. Dark make-up, black eyeliner. Hmm... sounds like Goth, eh? Nope! I will now reveal the key difference between modern Emo and Goth fashion sense. This is how you can tell Goths and Emos apart:

Emos wear Converse All-Stars. Goths do not.

But really... they both think about darkness and death and loud music and stuff, right? So, what is the key difference between modern Emo and Goth philosophies?

Goths want vampires to bite them and drink their blood.
Emos just want to bleed.

There you have it folks. If you don't believe me, spend some quality time with Google or visit your local high school. Never mind, stay out of the local high school. You escaped once, never let them trap you again.

Goth Poetry vs. Emo Poetry

I am multi-talented! Really! You probably don't know this, but I have the magical ability to write poetry like a teenager! This takes years of practice, so please don't try it at home. You might trip over a cliche and slice yourself open. Which would be very Emo.

In what will hopefully be the CLOSING section of this wonderful LJ post, I will proceed to write GOTH poetry and EMO poetry. You will note the fascinating differences and similarities. You can write a compare-contrast paper, typed, 5 single-spaced pages, due on my desk on Friday or you're getting Saturday detention, ya make-up wearing freak.

Douglas Does Goth

Black Soul of the Vampyre,
Inside me he stirs
as I see the moon
turn red
Down with Christians!
As the moon turns red,
a blood red,
a red that looks like blood,
Darkness falls,
and I am so political it's insane.
Injustice will fall
to my supreme vampyre powers.
A vampiric voice echos from the darkness,
"Hot Topic is for dweebs,
but you buy all my clothes there,
Why can't you be original?"
You are so unoriginal.
Come with us, join us, be one of the original people!
Does this white-makeup make me look undead?

Douglas Does Emo

Nobody knows
the darkness I feel
my crystal tears fall
fall
down
into the pool of blood
that was my soul
Oh!
The End is coming soon
for me
She walked out the door
and my crystal tears
shattered on the floor
And I
fall
down,
in my spirit's agony.
(Like that one guy who fell off the roof of the gym that one time MAN that was fuckin' awesome he went down like a black brick of destruction MAN fell off the roof that was fuckin' cool I wish that was me, oh how I wish that was me so I could be released from this meaningless existence)
Agony
Agony
The hell you put me in
can not compare
to the hell in my soul.
My burning soul hell.
the blood
the crystal tears
the agony
The world around me laughs,
inside I cry,
and no one knows
I am drowning in the crystal tears!
Their sharp edges are cutting me,
cutting me
producing blood!
I put on the mask of happiness,
but it is just a mask and not actual happiness,
it is a mask of me pretending to be happy,
not me actually being happy,
because it is only a mask.
because I may not see tomororw,
the world around me is smiling,
but my smyles hide my crystal tears
which are cutting me cutting me



That's all the time we have today on Douglas's Cultural Studies... tune in next week when Douglas will analyze the psychiatric needs of the children of die-hard republicans and the children of die-hard democrats. Who has more guilt? Which children are more likely to snap? Same Bat-time, same Bat-station, folks!

-d